Digitized  by  tine  Internet  Arciiive 

in  2007  with  funding  from 

IVIicrosoft  Corporation 


http://www.archive.org/details/fortyfiftyfarceiOObaylrich 


Spencer's  Boston  Theatre 

X       »       >« 

Price,  12  1-2  Cents,  each.    Ten  for  One  Dollar. 
BOUND    VOLUMES,  SI. 


VOL.  I. 

1  Moll  Pitcher, 

2  The  Forest  Hose, 

3  Swiss  Swains, 

4  BR<helor's  Bednwm, 

5  Sophia's  Supper, 

6  A  l^olaiid  fur  an  Oliver, 

7  Black-oyod  Susan, 

8  John  Bull, 

VOL.    II. 

9  Satan  in  Paris, 

10  More  Blunders  than  one, 
IJ   Rosin  a  Meadows, 

12  The  Dumb  Belle, 

13  My  Aunt, 

l-i  Spring  anl  Antnfnn, 
15  Six  l)ei?i'ces  of  Crime, 
IG  Limeiick  Boy, 

VOL.  III. 

17  Presumptive  E^idence, 

18  Man  and  Wife, 

19  The  Ser-eant's  Wife, 

20  Masks  and  ifaces, 

21  Merry  Wives  of  Windsor, 

22  Nature  and  riiilosophy, 

23  Agues  de  Vere, 
2^  Shandy  Jiaguire, 


VOL.  IV. 


2-)  Wild  Oats, 
2G  Michael  Erie. 
27  Teddy  the  Tiler, 
23  Specti-e  B;idegroom, 
i  2.)  Idijt  Witness, 

30  Willow  Copse, 

31  Matteo  Falcone, 

32  People's  Lawyer, 

VOL.  V. 

33  Jenny  Lind, 

34  Comedy  of  Errors, 

35  Lucretia  Borgitv, 

36  Surgeon  of  Paiis. 

37  Patn.'ian's  Daughter, 

38  The  Two  Buzzartk 

39  Shxjmaker  of  Toulouse, 

40  Moraontom  Questijn, 


VOL.  VI. 

41  Love  and  Loyal  ty.^B 

42  Bobber's  Wife. 

43  Happy  Man, 

44  PnmI)Gijl  of  Genoa. 

45  Wreck  Ashore, 

46  Claii. 

47  Miller  and  his  Men. 

48  Wallace. 

VOL.  VII. 

49  Madelaine. 

50  Betsey  Baker. 

51  The  Jb'ii'eman, 

52  No.  1,  Bound  the  Comer, 

53  TeJdv  Boe. 

54  Grist  to  the  Mill. 

55  Object  of  Interest. 

56  Two  Loves  anil  a  Life. 

VOL.  VIII. 

57  Anne  Blake. 

58  My  Fellow  Clerk. 

59  Bengal  Tiger. 

60  The  Steward. 

61  Capt.  Kyd. 

62  Nick  of  the  Woods. 

63  The  Marble  Heart 

64  Laughing  Hyena. 

VOL.  IX. 

65  Second  Love. 

66  The  Victor  Vanquished. 

67  Our  Wife 

68  Dream  at  Sea. 

69  My  HiTsband's  Mirror. 

70  Yankee  Land. 

71  Nor  ah  Cnina, 

72  Good  .  T  Nothing. 

VOL.  X. 

73  The  First  Night 

74  The  Bake's  Progi-ess. 

75  Pet  of  the  Petticoats. 

76  The  Eaton  Boy. 

77  Wandering  Minstrel. 

78  Wanted  1000  Milliners. 

79  Poor  Pillicoddy. 

80  Breach  of  Promise. 


VOL.  X.. 

81  The  Mummy. 

82  The  Beview. 

83  La  dv  of  the  Lake. 

84  Still  Water  Buns  D( 

85  Man  of  Many  Frien( 

86  Love  in  Livery. 

87  Antony  and  Cleopat 

88  The  Scholar. 

VOL.  XII. 

89  Helping  Hands, 

90  Aladdin. 

91  Trying  it  on. 

92  Stage  Strack  Yanke 

93  Young  Wife  &  Old 
9i  Last  Man,         iLni 

95  Belles'  Strata  go '> 

96  Crinoline. 

VOL.  XIII. 

i    97  Old  and  Yonn?. 
I    98A  RimilyFuil;-  - 
I    99  The  Voung  Sc;  : 
:  100 The  Adopted  ChilJ. 
!  101  The  Turned  Head, 
i  102  A  Match  in  the  Darl 
:  103  A-lvice  to  Husbands. 
I  104   Ptaffaelle. 


t 


VOL.  XIV. 


j  105  TJuth  Oakley.  i 

I  106  The  British  Slave,  j 
I  107  Siamese  Twins,  M 
i  108  A  Life's  Bans<irajt^ 
'  109  ?cnt  to  the  Tow^J 
•  lloOiralda,  ^> 

'  111  Time  Tries  all,  ' 
'  112  Ella  Rosenburg. 

I  VOL.  XV. 

113  Fomebody  Else. 

114  Warlock  of  the  Gle 

115  Zdina, 

116  Ladies'  Battle, 

117  Art  of  Acting, 

118  The  Brigand, 

119  The  Lady  of  the  Li« 

120  Keighbor  Jackwooc 


WILLIAM    V.    SPENCER, 
PUBLISHER, 

ISS    •W.A.SDEIIISrGI-TOIT    ST., 
(Corner  of  Water  St) BOSTGI 


SPENCER'S    BOSTON    THEATRE No.     CXXX. 


ORTY    AND    FIFTY 

A    FARCE, 
I  IT     O  IN-  E      A.CT, 

THOMAS     HAY  N  E  S    *B  A  Y  L  Y , 

AUTHOR    OF 


One  Houvy —  Perfection^ —  My    Eleventh    Day^  —  Tom  Noddy* s  Secret ^ 

The  Daughter — How  do  you  Manage — Swiss  Cottage — Sold  for 

a  Song — Comfortable  Service — Etc.  Etc. 


WITH    ORIGINAL    CASTS,     COSTUMES,    AND   THE   WHOLE    OF  THE     STAGE 

BUSINESS,    CORRECTLY    MARKED   AND   ARRANGED,     BY 

MR.    J.    B.    WRIGHT,    ASSISTANT    MINAOER 

OF   THE   BOSTON   THEATRE. 


BOSTON: 

WILLIAM    V.     SPENCER, 

128     Washington     Street,     Corner    of    Water. 


^^^ 


Sop 


O 

w 

o 
o 

GQ 
<1 
Q 


.si 


..9  a 

g  a  3 

a 


jT-'       ^"3  i3  O  „  w 

5>  _     c3  2  Qj        C*^  a 


' 

•^ 

^ 

i;'-i 

2gS 

^fl 

;3J 

e«  a 

S'^ 

OT^S 

-^^ 

^SO 

»?c=« 

a 

»iv.       V. 

£.2 

6 

s-  - 

S;^ 

,1  i^^ 


bca5 

t<  a>  -r 


si: 

tf  ^  H         ^  m  ra 


53® 


5S  W    . 

Bo,  iJ  » 

^  H  H  2  H  ™ 

«  J  «  «  J  M 


»; 

-S 

p 

d 

a 

io 

CO 

1 

?5 

^ 

1 

1 

o8 

l^ 

d 

5Q 

1 

wg 


o  3 

SI 
"5  »^ 


'3h  .^M  fc 

So    '.  "3  25    I 


FOETY   AND   FIFTY. 


SCENE  I.  — A  room  in  Mr.  Lilywhite*s  houscy  2  &  3  g. —  Carpet 

down — 2  chairs  R.  &  l.  c.  d. — sofa  on  l.  h.  — table  on  R.  h.  covered 

with  books — 2  chairs  on  R.  h.  —  2  chairs  ow  L.  H.  —  centre  doorSf  prac- 

ticalf  backed  by  chamber  —  a  window^  L.  f.  practical,  backed  by  street — 

set  doory  1  e.  l.  h. — 2  chairs  behind  c.  d. 

Enter  Jessy  and  Peter,  r.  h.  1  e. 
,     Jessy,     Well,  this  is  the  oddest  family  I  ever  saw  !     I  begin  to 
wish  Miss  Clementina  had  never  brought  me  here,  that  I  do  ;   I've 
been  here  but  a  week,  and  I  am  quite  ready  to  start  again, 

Feter.     And  pray  why  so  ? 

Jessy,  I  never  heard  such  a  fuss  about  love  in  a  family  before — 
I  mean  a  married  family. 

Peter.     And  do  you  like  it  the  worse  for  that  ? 

Jessy.  Oh  yes,  such  old  people  !  Love  among  the  roses  is  very 
agreeable,  but  this  is  love  among  the  elderberries  ! 

P^ter.  Elderly  people  !  Well,  for  that  matter,  though  my  mis- 
tress is  bordering  on  the  forties,  she  is  still  uncommon  good  looking  ; 
and  then  my  master,  who  is  fifty,  is — 

Jessy.  Yes,  yes — they  are  all  very  well  in  their  way  — but  they 
have  been  married  four-and-twenty  years. 

Peter.     And  love  each  other  all  the  better. 

Jessy.  Well,  they  know  best ;  but  tell  me  why  there  is  such  a  to 
do  in  the  house  to-day  ? 

Peter.     It's  master's  birth-day,  he  is  fifty  to-day. 

Jessy.  I  can  fancy  it's  a  bore  to  be  fifty ;  but  wliy  are  all  the  fam- 
ily to  be  disturbed  about  it  ? 

Peter.  This  is  not  only  Mr.  Lilywhite's  birth-day,  but  also  the 
anniversary  of  his  marriage  ;  and  as  he  and  my  mistress  have  lived 
so  happily  and  loveingly  together  for  four-and-twenty  years,  he 
wishes  to  make  his  fiftieth  birth-day  a  sort  of  a  fete — a  sort  of  wed- 
ding-day over  again ;  he  the  loving  bridegroom,  and  she  the  lovmg 
bride. 

Jessy.  What  silly  old  folks  !  Well,  and  now  tell  me,  have  they 
really  been  as  loving  for  four-and-twenty  years  as  they  would  fain 
make  us  believe  ? , 

Peter.     Of  course — I  suppose  so — 

Jessy.  Why  you  ought  to  know,  you  have  lived  with  them  ever 
since  they  married. 


ivi84M^ 


FORTY   AND   FIFTY. 


Peter.  1  was  a  boy  when  they  married,  ten  years  of  age  —  X  was 
Mrs.  Lilywhite's  page,  in  a  green  close  litting  jacket  and  trowsers, 
and  hall'  a  dozen  rows  of  gilt  sugar-loaf  buttons. 

Jessy.  Bachelor's  buttons,  Mr.  Peter,  for  you've  never  found  a 
wife.     Well,  and  have  you  seen  no  little  titfs  ? 

Feter,     Tiffs— no,  no— that  is — 

Jessif, ,  4y  ;  110 w  for  it.       •    • 

Feter i ;  .Why  not*exaetIylifis,Jbut— 

Jessy r  Well.    '  '*'    •  2'  I  *./ 

Fite?^.  .  WliyJittJe4ifferejices  of  ©pinion  ari^g  out  of  master's 
ovei'nwieh  So>e  and  affSctidn//*  ,    • 

Jessy,  *  Wliaf,  for  sdmel)ddy  els^  ? 

Feter,  No,  no — You  see,  loving  my  mistress  in  such  a  mad-iike 
way,  he  never  thought  she  could  love  him  well  enough ;  and  so  now 
and  then,  and  off  and  on,  he  had  little  jealous  vagaries  !  and  indeed 
he  has  'em  still,  for  the  matter  of  that.  But  now  from  this  day  all's 
to  go  smooth  ;  and  I  heard  him  say  no  longer  ago  than  last  night, 
"  Arabella,  my  fairest,  I'll  never  be  jealous  again  ;  to-morrow  we'll 
have  a  new  wedding-day,  and  you  shall  find  me  a  new  man." 

Jessy,     A  new  man  I  an  old  man,  /  should  say. 

Peter.  If  you  call  a  man  old  at  fifty,  don't  let  my  master  hear  it. 
But  I  can't  stay  idling  here,  I  must  go  and  ice  the  champagne,  and 
do  fifty  things  for  dinner.  Exit  d.  l.  h.  1  e. 

Jessy.     Heigho  !     I  wish  instead  of  making  believe  a  new  wed- 
ding-day for  themselves,  they'd  have  a  real  wedding-day  for  me,  or 
at  all  events  for  my  young  mistress — ah  !   here  she  is. 
Unter  Clementina,  k.  h.  1  e. 

Clem,  Oh  !  Jessy,  Jessy  ! — I've  been  looking  for  you  every  where, 
I've  seen  him  again  ! 

Jessy,     Seen  what,  madam  ? 

Clem,  My  dear  Altamont !  I  was  sitting  in  the  garden  thinking 
about  him,  when  he  jumped  over  the  wall,  in  full  regimentals,  and 
knelt  before  me. 

Jessy,     Oh,  how  pleasant !  go  on. 

Clem.     But  I  was  obliged  to  tell  him  the  truth. 

Jessy,     Then  you  told  him  that  you  loved  him  ? 

Clem,  Oh,  I  told  him  that  long  ago  ;  then  I  made  him  happy, 
but  now  I  make  him  miserable.  I  told  him  that  my  uncle  Lilywhite 
never  would  give  his  consent  to  our  union. 

Jessy,     But  your  aunt  does  not  so  much  object. 

Olem,  No,  no,  I  told  him,  and  he  left  me  swearing  he  would 
throw  himself  at  her  feet,  and  implore  her  intercession  ;  I  trust  if 
he  does  so,  he  will  choose  a  favorable  moment.  I  declare  my  uncle 
and  aunt  are  coming ;  go,  Jessy,  I  must  offer  them  my  congratula- 
tions on  this  double  anniversary,  but  I  shall  do  it  with  a  heavy 
heart. 

Jessy.  Only  look  !  here  they  come,  Darby  and  Joan  fashion,  and 
billing  and  cooing  like  a  couple  of  doves.  Exit,  d.  l.  h.  1  e. 

Enter  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Lilywhite,  c.  d.  l.  h.,  arm  in  arm — very  smart : 
she  in  whiter  he  with  a  bouquet, 

Mr.  L.     Come,  my  Arabella,  let  us  forget  the  lapse  of  four-and- 


FORTY    AND    FIFTY.  9 

twenty  happy  years,  and  imagine  that  I  am  now  about  to  hand  you 
a  blushing  virgin  to  the  altar  of  the  parish  church. 

Mrs.  L.  Ah,  Damon  !  Were  that  day  to  return,  would  you  in- 
deed again  select  me  ?  Have  you  seen  no  faults,  no  little  failing, 
hey  ? 

Mr.  L.  No,  sweetest  idol  of  my  beating  heart !  no,  by  this  fair 
hand,  I  vow  it.  We  have  been  a  lucky  pair :  when  we  married,  and 
became  Mr.  and  Mrs.  White,  we  had  a  competance  ;  and  then  when 
old  Lily  died,  and  left  us  his  name  and  his  fortune,  we  became  rich. 

Mrr.  L.  Yes,  dear ;  and  besides,  double  names  are  so  genteel  now: 
White  was  all  very  well,  and  appropriate  too — the  emblem  of  purity, 
you  know  ;  (Mr.*  L.  looks  annoyed)  but  Lily  white  has  quite  a  dash 
with  it,  and  is  purer  still,  you  know. 

Mr.  L.  True,  love,  true.  Ah  !  here's  Clementina  —  come,  and 
wish  us  many  happy  returns. 

Olem.     I  came  on  purpose  to  do  so. 

Mrs.  L.  Thank  you,  dear  child  ;  I  know  all  you  would  say ;  and 
I  hope,  Clementina,  when  you  have  been  married  as  many  years  as  I 
have,  you  will  love  and  be  beloved  as  fondly. 

Mr.  L.  Look  at  us— no  cloud  ever  yet  darkened  our  matrimo- 
nial sky. 

Mrs.  L.     None  at  least  but  passing  clouds,  love. 

Mr.  L.     No  clouds  of  any  kind,  dear. 

Mrs.  L.     None  that  did  not  soon  blow  over. 

Mr.  L.     Blow  over  !  what  do  you  mean  ? — dear. 

Mrs.  L.     Your  jealousy,  love,  your  perpetual  jealousy. 

Mr.  L.  Oh  !  but  that  you  know  was  all  complimentary  to  your 
charms. 

Mrs.  L.  But  it's  very  disagreeable  to  be  suspected,  especially  with- 
out a  cause. 

Mr.  L.  Much  worse  w^hen  people  have  done  something  that  is 
likely  to  be  found  out :  (aside)  I  know  that  by  experience. 

Mrs.  L.  I  think  you  will  admit,  on  this  our  hymeneal  anniver- 
sary, you  never  had  real  cause  for  jealousy. 

Mr.  L.     No,  never  ! 

Mrs.  L.     Yet  how  recently  did  you  again  suspect  me  ! 

Mr.  L.  Why,  for  the  matter  of  that,  my  dear,  I  could  as  little 
tolerate  the  pointed  attention  of  any  young  puppy  now,  as  I  could 
have  done  ten  or  fifteen  years  ago — you  are  still  so  lovely  •  such  a 
very  fine  woman  ! 

Mrs.  L.     Oh,  my  dear  Damon  ! 

Mr.  L.     We  both  were  uncommonly  well — hey,  Clementina  ? 

Clem.     You  were  formed  for  each  other,  dear  uncle. 

Mr.  L.  So  we  were  —  bespoke,  I'm  sure  of  it.  There's  an  old 
adage,  that  marriages  are  made  in  heaven,  and  it's  true. 

Mrs.  L.  Yet  the  lives  some  couples  lead,  might  make  one  fancy 
the  marriage  manufactory  was^somewhere  else. 

Clem.  Yes,  aunt,  but  those  unfortunates  were  perhaps  crossed 
in  their  first  loves  :  heigho  ! 

Mr.  Zf.     Well,  that  wag  not  our  case,  we  were  made  for  each 


0  FORTY    AND    FIFTY. 

Other  :  and  upon  my  life,  Arabella,  I  never  saw  you  look  better.— I 
protest  I  think  you  improve  every  day. 

Mrs.  L.     Oh,  you  flatter  me  ! 

Mr.  L.  No,  1  don't— all  handsome  woman  improve,  they're  al- 
ways as  handsome  as  ever,  and  there's  more  of  'em.  Never  talk  to 
me  of  buds,  I'm  for  the  full-blown  roses— I'm  a  full  blown  rose  my- 
self. Would  anybody  think  I  was  fifty  ?  fifty !  pooh !  a  man's  a 
boy  at  fil'ty. — by-the-by,  who  dines  with  us  to-day  ? 

Mrs.  L.  I  invited  all  your  oldest  and  dearest  friends,  and  know- 
ing the  kindness  of  your  heart — 

Mr.L.     Eh? 

Mrs.  L.  Knowing  that  on  such  a  day  as  this  you  will  like  to  see 
everybody  happy  and  smiling  about  you,  I — 

Mr.  L.     Yes,  dear — what  ? 

Mrs.  L.    I  wish  to  make  a  little  addition  to  our  family. 

Mr.  L.     A  little  addition  to  our  family,  dear  ? 

Mrs.  L.     To  our  family  party,  a  young  officer. 

Mr.  L.     Young  officer,  Mrs.  Lily-W. 

Clem,     {aside)     Dear,  kind  aunt. 

Mrs.  L.    Not  that  iwish  for  anybody,  but  for  Clementina's  sake — 

Mr.  L.  Does  he  say  that  he  visits  here  on  Clementina's  account  ? 
I  repeat  it — does  he  say  so  ? 

Mrs,  L,     He  does,  my  dear. 

Olem.     You  know  he  does,  uncle. 

Mr.  L.  I  know  nothing  about  him,  I've  never  set  eyes  on  him, 
I  don't  know  where  h^  comes  from,  nor  who  he  is  ;  {aside)  but  this 
I  know,  nobody  would  look  twice  at  the  niece  in  the  presence  of  the 
aunt.  All  the  young  danglers  pretend  to  be  in  love  with  some  lit- 
tle miss — all  muslin  and  bread  and  butter — and  all  the  time — 

Mrs.  L.     What's  the  matter,  dear  ? 

Mr.  L.  I  pity  poor  Clementina,  if  she  thinks  she  has  won  his 
heart.  I  say  ma'am,  I  pity  her.  Yes,  miss — pity  was  my  expres- 
sion.    I  say,  I  pity  you  from  the  bottom  of  my  heart. 

Clem.     I'll  stake  my  life  that  he's  sincere. 

Mr.  L.  Hey-day  !  What  do  you  know  about  young  officers,  I 
should  be  glad  to  know  ?  and  even  if  he  was  sincere  —  I  say  if  he 
were,  who  is  he  ?  where  does  he  come  from  ?  what  is  he  when  he's 
at  home  ?  Women  never  think  of  these  things — it's  quite  extraor- 
dinary, but  they  never  do  ! 

Clem.  I  shall  never  love  anybody  else.  Aunt,  speak  for  him, 
he  told  me  he  wanted  to  throw  himself  at  your  feet. 

Mr.  L.  What  was  that !  throw  himself  at  your  aunt's  feet — if  he 
dare,  I'll  throw  him  out  of  the  window — him — what  business  has 
he  to  talk  about  :Mrs.  Lily-W.'s  feet  ?  who  told  him  she  had  any 
feet  ? 

Mrs.  L.  Nay,  dearest,  don't  be  angry  to-day,  I  will  not  see  him  ; 
at  all  events,  don't  let  even  a  passing  cloud  overshadow  this  day. 

Mr.  L.  Certainly  not,  my  love— you  have  said  you  wiU  not  see 
him,  and  that's  enough  :  one  salute,  and  then  I'll  go  and  see  that  all 
is  prepared  for  the  reception  of  our  guests.  Clementina,  dear,  cheer 
up — we'll  find  a  lover  who  shall  woo  you  in  earnest,  one  of  a  repu- 


FORTY  AND   FIFTY.  f 

table  family,  and  well  to  do  in.the  world  —  none  of  your  nameless 
cornets.  Good-bye,  Arabella,  I  shall  soon  return.— (asirfe)  Throw 
himself  at  her  feet !  the  prettiest  pair  of  feet  in  the  parish  I  let  me 
catch  him  at  it,  that's  all.  Exit^  d.  l.  h.  1  e. 

Mr&.  L,  You  see,  my  dear,  it  is  in  vain  ;  I  would  serve  you  if  I 
could,  but  an  interview  with  your  lover  would  only  involve  me  in 
difficulties. 

Ciem.     How  can  my  uncle  be  so  absurdly  jealous  ? 

Mrs.  L,  Jealous  he  is,  but  I  see  no  absurdity  in  his  being  jealous 
of  me  ;  he  ought,  however,  certainly  to  rely  implicitly  on  my  dis- 
cretion. 

Clem.     To  be  sure, 

Mrs.  L.  You  see,  my  dear,  we  are  not  like  other  married  people, 
his  love  for  me  borders  on  romance.  We  have  now  never  been  se- 
parated for  nineteen  years.  Three  years  after  our  marriage,  busi- 
ness called  him  from  me  ;  and  for  two  long,  agonizing  years  he  was 
absent. 

C  lem.     For  two  whole  years. 

Mrs.  L.  Yes,  my  dear  ;  I  wonder  either  of  us  survived  it.  At 
the  death  of  old  Mr.  Lily  he  was  obliged  to  go  to  Antigua,  and  my 
state  of  health  would  not  permit  me  to  accompany  him. — We  have 
never  parted  since,  and  never  shall  again.  Indeed,  Damon,  poor 
fellow  !  seems  to  have  a  nervous  horror — a  trepidation  at  the  very 
thought  of  leaving  me  ;  and  he  has  often  said  with  a  tear  in  his  eye, 
he  regretted  ever  going.  (Axtamont  appears  at  window  l.  h.  — jumps 
in)  H^!  what  noise  is  that  !  there  ^s  some  one  at  the  window ! 

Clem.    Ah,  'tis  Altamont. 

Alta.     My  Clementina. 

Mrs.  L.     Young  man,  how  dare  you  climb  into  our  window  ? 

Alta.  I  heard  the  voice  of  my  Clementina,  and  to  get  near  her  I 
would  have  climbed  your  kitchen  chimney,  in  spite  of  cook,  scul- 
lion, fire,  smoke,  and  turnspit. 

Mrs.  L.  The  sooner,  sir,  you  quit  the  house  the  better  ;  I  shall 
inform  Mr.  Lilywhite  of  your  intrusion,  and  shall  certainly  not  re- 
main here  to  sanction  it.  Clementina,  you  will  find  me  in  my  bou- 
doir. 

Alta,     But  hear  me,  dear  madam. 

Mrs.  L.  Sir,  you  know  not  the  mischief  in  which  you  are  involv- 
ing me — begone,  I  entreat. 

Alta.     But  allow  me  to  explain. 

Mrs.  L.  Not  to  me,  sir — not  to  me  ;  though  innocent,  ^  tremble 
every  limb ;  leave  the  room,  sir  ! — quit  the  house — 

Alta.     Nay,  this  opportunity  is  not  to  be  abandoned. 

Mrs.  L.  Then,  if  you  persist  in  remaining,  I  must  go. — (aside) 
What  will  Mr.  Lilywhite  say  when  he  sees  him  ?  Exit,  c.  n. 

Clem.  There,  you  see  you  have  made  bad  worse,  why  could  you 
not  knock  at  the  door  like  a  gentleman  ? 

Alta.  Because  I  knew  if  the  door  was  opened  at  all,  it  would  be 
immediately  shut  in  my  face. 

Clem.    My  uncle  says  you  don't  love  me. 

Alta.     Not  love  you  !  your  uncle  says  that,  does  he  ?  if  he  were 


8  FORTY    AND    FIFTY. 

here  I'  d  make  him  eat  his  words — not  love  you  !  have  I  ever  looked 
at  any  other  girl  since  I  sat  next  to  you  at  Mrs,  Blazes'  ball  ? — not 
love  you  !  ask.  the  other  officers  if  I'm  not  their  love-lorn  laughing- 
stock ! — not  love  you!  do  you  really  imagine  that  I've  eat  a  morsel, 
drank  a  drop,  or  slept  a  wink  for  the  last  three  weeks.  Not  I — for 
twenty-one  days  the  officers  have  made  a  mess  of  it  without  me. 
Clem.      Three    weeks! 

Alti.  Precisely.  'Twas  this  day  three  weeks  that  I  saw  you  first, 
and  at  the  first  glance  I  felt  that  my  doom  was  written,  and  my  fate 
was  sealed. 

Q'e>n.     Oh,    Altamont  ! 

A'ii.  You  may  well  say,  oh,  Altamont !  Don*t  be  frightened,  we 
West  Indians  don't  love  like  other  people,  we  are  all  fire  and  tow  ; 
you'll  fiad  me  an  Indian  pickle,  and  you  are  my  pine-apple — my 
guiva  jelly  I 

Glem  If  you  really  love  me,  a  little  common  sense  and  prudence 
are  ;n)re  likely  to  win  me  than  all  these  rhapsodies. 

Alt  I.     Prai3.i3e!    I  will  be  a  model  of  prudence.    Where  is  your 
most  im  ni3ulate  aunt  gone?      Oh,  I  know,  into  her  boudoir:  then 
rilfollow,  aal  yaa'll  see  that  I'll  gain  the  day. 
Qlem.     Stop — I   entreat — 

Alta.  Not  I.  Why  should  you  entreat  me  to  stop  ?  I'll  go  on 
my  Knees  to  that  dear,  good-looking  aunt  of  yours,  and  she  shall 
go  on  her  marrowbones  to  her  husband  :  I'll  pacify  her — she  shall 
paeify  him ;  and  we  shall  all  be  pacific  together.  One  kiss,  by  way 
of  a  stimulant ;  {kisses  her)  and  now,  when  you  see  me  again,  I  shall 
have  gained  a  firm  footing  in  the  family.  Exit^  c.  d.  r.  h. 

Glem.  You  are  on  slippery  ground,  and  may  chance  to  trip  when 
you  least  expect  it.  I  dread  the  consequences,  I'll  take  refuge  in  my 
own  room  till  the  storm  bio  ws  over.  Exity  r.  h.  1  e. 

Enter  Mr.  Lilywhite,  d.  l.  h.  1  e. 
Jf*.  L.  This  is  a  happy  day, — my  fiftieth  birth- day,  and  I  in  my 
very  bloom ;  my  wedding  anniversary  too,  and  my  wife  and  I  more 
like  lovers  than  a  married  couple  !  I  begin  to  be  ashamed  of  all  my 
jealousies  ;  I'll  never  be  jealous  again — did  I  not  leave  her  for  two 
whole  years,  one-and- twenty  years  ago — and  was  she  not  all  dis- 
cretion in  my  absence  ?  Yes,  that  she  was  ;  thinking  of  her  Damon 
morning,  noon,  and  night  ;  and  7^— what  was  /  about — the  least  I 
think  of  that  the  better;  but  I'll  make  amends — I'll  never  suspect 
my  wife  again,  and  I'll  go  and  tell  her  so — I'll  tell  her — (  Goes  to  centre 
doorSf  throws  them  open^  and  discovers  Altamont  on  his  knees  before  Mrs. 
Lilywhite,  — Mr.  Lilywhite  starting  back)  —  is  it  possible  !  Oh, 
Mrs.  Lilywhite  !     Is  it  come  to  this  ? 

Mr?.  L.  (coming  forward.)  What  do  you  mean,  my  dear — ^how 
could  I  help  it  ? 

Jf  •.  L.     She  says  she  could  not  help  it. 

Alta.     And  the  lady  says  true — I  took  her  entirely  by  surprise. 

Mr,  L.     He  took  her  entirely  by  surprise  ! 

Mrs.  L.     Hear  me,  dearest  Damon  I 

Mr.  L.     Black-hearted  Mrs.  Lilywhite — I  won't. 

Mrs.  L.     One  word. 


FORTY    AND    FIFTY. 

Mr,  L.  I'll  go  and  get  a  deed  of  separation  drawn  up  !  Oh ! 
madam,  this  double  anniversary  will  be  the  death  of  me. 

Exit  D.  L.  H.  1  E. 

Mrs.  L,  (sinks  into  a  chair)  Young  man,  you  have  been  the  ruin 
of  me  ! 

Alia.  Don't  say  so, —  indeed,  I  don't  clearly  understand  what 
the  gentleman  means  —  I  only  came  to  ask  you  to  intercede  with 
him  about  Clementina. 

Mrs.  L.  He  will  never  believe  that  Clementina  is  your  attraction 
here. 

Alia.  But  let  me  marry  Clementina,  and  his  suspicions  must 
end. 

Mrs.  L.    Really,  young  man,  you  don't  want  for  assurance. 

Alta.  I've  had  to  make  my  own  way  thro^igh  life,  ma'am,  and 
never  yet  found  that  I  gained  a  step  by  modesty. 

Mrs.  L.  I  very  much  doubt  your  ever  having  tried  the  experi- 
ment.    Who  and  what  are  you  ? 

Alta.  I  am  a  soldier,  madam  ;  and  though  young  and  inexperi- 
enced, I  have  been  favorably  noticed  by  my  commander. 

Mrs.  L.     But  your  family,  sir — who's  son  are  you  ? 

Alta.  To  be  candid  with  you,  madam,  I  really  don't  exactly 
know. 

Mrs.  L.     Not  know — candid,  indeed. 

Alta.  I  was  brought  up  by  a  very  worthy  man  in  the  island  of 
Antigua,  and  all  that  he  ever  told  me  about  my  birth  I  wiU  frankly 
tell  you. 

Mrs.  L,  Thank  you,  sir,  if  you  please  ; — my  husband  was  once 
in  the  West  Indies,  and  may  possibly  throw  some  light  upon  the 
subject. 

Alta.  Well,  madam,  all  I  know  is  this — my  father,  one-and- 
twenty  years  ago,  left  England  for  the  island  of  Antigua,  and  dur- 
ing the  tedium  of  a  long  voyage,  became  attached  to  a  widow  lady, 
who  went  out  in  the  same  ship. 

Mrs.  L.     Very  natural — well,  sir  ? 

Alta.     Yes,  madam,  very — so  natural  that 

Mrs.  L.     You  hesitate,  sir  ! 

Alta.     I  am  that  gentleman's  natural  son. 

Mrs.  L.  '  Oh,  dear  me, — my  husband  will  never  consent  to  your 
marriage  with  my  niece. 

Alta.  Who  my  father  was  I  have  in  vain  endeavored  to  ascertain ; 
I  have,  however,  obtained  from  my  early  friend  and  guardian,  his 
picture. 

Mrs.  L.     Is't  your  father's  picture  ? 

Alta.     Yes;  I  always  wear  it — I  will  show  it  to  you. 

Mrs.  L.  No,  no  !  he  must  have  been  a  shocking  person — take  it 
away — I  won't  look  at  it. 

Alta.  Nay,  pray  look  ;  for  as  you  said  just  now,  your  husband 
may  throw  some  light  on  the  subject. 

Mrs.  L.  True — give  it  to  me — {looks  at  the  miniature) — ah  !  ^s  X 
live,  it's  Damon  ! 

Alta.     Who  ma'am — Damon  ? 


10  FORTY    AND    FIFTY. 

Mrs,  L.    It's  Damon  ! — my  Damon  ! — my  husband  ! 

Alta.  {kneels)  Your  Damon  I  —then  perhaps  you  are  my  angel- 
mother  I 

Mrs.   L,     No,  sir,  no  ! — out  of  my  sight ! 

Alta.  But  madam,  twist  and  turn  the  story  how  you  will,  s?ure- 
ly  I  was  not  to  blame. 

Mrs.  L,  One-and-twenty  years  ago  ! —  the  very  period  of  Da- 
mon's trip, — Oh,  it  is  too  evident.  Oh,  that  ever  it  should  come 
to  this  ! 

Alta,  Tl3ally,  do  you  know,  I  think  both  you  and  I  are  very 
much  to  be  pitied. 

Mrs.  L.  [  am  to  be  pitied — I,  the  injured  wife,  who  spent  those 
two  long  years  in  solitary  lamentation.  He  has  made  me  misera- 
ble. 

Alta.  He  makes  every  body  miserable  that  belongs  to  him.  K 
I  am  his  natural  son,  I  am  sure  he  is  my  very  unnatural  father. 

Mrs.  L.  {firying  her  eyes)  I  feel  for  you,  young  man  ;  don't  cry ; 
there's  no  use  in  crying,  and  I  will  be  kinder  to  you  than  he  has 
been  —  in  one  thing,  at  least ;  I'll  have  my  way  —  you  shall  marry 
Clementina ;  go  to  her,  and  leave  this  picture  with  me. 

Alta.  My  more  than  mother  —  I  hear  somebody  coming  —  is  it 
my  respected 

Mrs.  L.     Respected  !     Begone  ! 

Exity  Altamont,  r.  h.  1  e. 
The  sums  that  he  expended  ! — I  know  now  where  they  went — to 
the  worthy  guardian  of  this  youth; — I'm  glad,  at  all  events,  he  did 
not  leave  him  to  starve.  I  must  command  my  feelings,  for  here  he 
comes — the  libertine — the  Don  Juan  ! 
Enter  Mr.  Lilywhite,  d.  l.  h.  1  e.  with  great  dignity  and  coldness, 

Mr.  L.     You  are  alone,  madam — 'tis  well ! 

Mrs.  L,  Yes,  sir,  he  has  this  moment  left  me  —  poor  young 
man  ! 

Mr.  L.  I  did  not  quite  expect  an  allusion  to  him,  I  say,  madam, 
that  exceeds  my  expectations  ! 

Mrs,  L,     A  great  deal  comes  to  pass  that  we  little  expect,  sir. 

Mr,  L,     I  little  expected  we  should  ever  part,  madam. 

Mrs.  L,     (pointedly)   We  did  part  once^  sir. 

Mr.  L.  Umph  ! — Yes,  yes — once;  but  now  we  part  never  to  meet 
again — I  am  determined  to  separate  —  determined  !  — we  part  to 
meet  no  more  ! — nothing  can  move  me  ! — I'm  granite — nothing  now 
can  make  an  impression  on  me  ! 

Mrs.  L.  Very  well,  sir, — I  give  my  free  consent ;  but  ere  we 
part,  I  beg  that  you  will  hear  me ;  nay,  I  demand  a  hearing ! 

Mr,  L,     A  confession,  madam,  I  suppose  ? 

Mrs,  L.     Yes,  sir,  I  think  it  must  end  in  a  confession. 

Mr.  L.     Proceed,  then,  madam  ;  prqceed. 

Mrs.  L.  A  chair  if  you  please,  and  one  for  yourself,  for  I  have 
much  to  say — much  that  may  upset  you. 

Mr,  L.  Upset  me^  madam  !— rQ,  woman,  womaii !  {he  places  chain 
•^they  sit.) 

Mrs,  L,     You  may  remember,   sir  —  indeed,   under  all  cjrcum- 


FORTY    AND    FIFTY.  11 

stances,  it  is  impossible  you  should  forget  that  one-and-twenty 
years  ago  business  called  you  to  Antigua,  and  for  two  years  I  was 
left  in  a  solitary  mansion,  on  the  coast  of  Devonshire. 

Mr.  L.  Yes,  madam,  you  could  not  accompany  me,  and  my  ab- 
sence was  unavoidable ;  I  left  you  with  all  your  little  comforts 
about  you. 

Mrs.  L.  I  could  not  bear  my  solitude — I  avoided  society,  save 
now  and  then  the  converse  of  some  chosen  friend — I  read — I  worked 
— I  wrote — I  sang — I  drew — I  netted — I  knitted — I  knotted — and  I 
tatted,  and  rambled  every  evening  over  the  romantic  scenes  around 
me.  You  left  me  young,  and  you  said  that  I  was  handsome — you 
may  well  imagine  then,  that  left  alone,  as  I  was,  the  glance  of  ad- 
miration followed  me. 

Mr.  L.  Good  gracious  me !  what's  coming  now  ?  I  actually 
groan  with  terror  !     Admiration — Oh  ! 

Mrs.  L.  I  know  not  how  to  tell  the  rest ; — I  blush  from  head  to 
foot. 

Mr.  L.  (starts  up)  I  can't  sit  still — {sinks  into  the  chair  again) — and 
yet  I  cannot  stand.     Madam  !     madam  !  I  must  now  know  all. 

Mrs.  L.  Y'ou  shall  know  all — here's  my  bottle  of  salts. 

Mr.  L.  Salts !  away  with  them — give  me  oxalic  acid  Some- 
thing dreadful — something  deadly  ! 

Mrs.  L.     I'll  pause  till  you  recover  yourself. 

Mr.  L.  Recover  myself !  never!  life's  a  burthen !  Farewell  to 
all  my  little  comforts  !  my  garden,  with  my  pinks  and  carnations ! 
— my  cucumber  frame,  and  my  polyanthuses — all  my  innocent  avo- 
cations!— the  pigs  and  the  poultry  I  used  to  feed! — Farewell!  a 
long  farewell !  Lily  white's  occupation's  gone But  go  on,  mad- 
am, go  on. 

Mrs.  L.  The  result  of  your  absence  was — how  shall  I  ever  speak 
it? 

Mr.  L.     Well,  madam,  what  was  the  result  of  my  absence  ? 

Mrs.  L.     That  young  man  you  saw  kneeling  at  my  feet. 

Mr.  L.  That  young  man  !  Oh,  mountains,  bury  us  both !  I'll 
be  revenged.  I'll  rummage  the  wide  world  till  I  find  his  hated 
father.     Blood,  blood,  blood! 

Mrs.  L.  Nay,  sir,  I  have  no  concealments  now.  I  am  ready  to 
tell  aU  I  know. 

Mr.  L.  Then  while  I  have  power  to  listen,  speak.  Tell  me  the 
name  of  the  culprit. 

Mrs.  L.  No,  sir,  I  cannot  speak  the  name  ;  but  here,  sir,  is  the 
portrait  of  that  young  man's  father. —  {gives  miniature.) 

Mr.  L.  If  he  still  lives,  madam,  I  tell  you,  candidly,  I'll  shoot 
him,  I'll  annihilate  him ;  his  unburied  bones  shall — {opens  miniature) 
— Confusion,  my  own  portrait ! 

Mrs.  L.  Now,  sir,  produce  your  deed  of  separation,  and  doubt 
not  I  will  most  willingly  sign  it. 

Mr.  L.     {falls  on  his  knees)    Arabella ! 

Mrs,  L.     Give  me  pen  and  ink,  I  am  ready. 

Mr.  L.     What  shall  I  say  ? 

Mrs.  L,     The  less  you  say  the  better,  I  think. 


12  rORTY    AND    FIFTY. 

Mr.  L.     Only  two  words — forgive  and  forget. 

Mrs.  L.  I  TCidLj  forgive^  but  you  must  teach  me  to  forget.  If  ever 
you  are  jealous  of  me  in  future,  I  shall  know  it  is  your  own  guilty 
conscience  that  suggests  the  possibility  of  my  misconduct.  Kise, 
sir.  % 

Mi\  L.     If  you  call  me  sir,  I  shall  die. 

Mrs.  L.  Well,  Damon,  here's  my  hand;  but  remember,  if  your 
son  prove  worthy  of  her,  he  must  marry  his  cousin. 

Mr.  L.     AVith  all  my  heart,  poor  boy.     His  mother 

Mrs.  L.     I'll  thank  you  not  to  mention  her. 

M'.  L.  <'  Oh  no,  we  never  mention  her,"  but  she  was  more  to 
blaTi3  than  I,  I  was  young  and  inexperienced,  and  knew  not  her 
character  ;  she  was  forty — a  widow,  and — no  matter !  When  we 
landed  she  avoided  me,  and  till  this  day  I  never  saw  my  son — tell 
me,  does  he  know • 

M>-s.  L.     He  does. 

Mr.  L.  It's  very  agitating!  I  think  I'd  rather  never  have  seen 
his  cherub  countenance.  Is  he  like  me  ?  Has  he  my  eye,  and  the 
dimple  I  have  in  my  chin  ? 

Mrs.  L.     I  confess  I  see  no  likeness. 

Mr.  L.  That's  odd,  now  ;  I  suppose  he's  dark,  like — hem — Upon 
my  life,  I  feel  quite  overcome. 

Enter  Altamont  and  Clementina,  r.  h.  1  e. 

Mrs.  L.     Embrace  your  father,  young  man. 

Alta.     My  father  ^     I'll  kneel  to  hiro.— (kneels.') 

Mr.  L.  (aside)  I  never  felt  so  awkward  I  wish  Mrs.  Lilywhite 
wasn't  in  the  room — (aloud)  My  boy!  yes,  I  do  believe  it  is !  — 
dark  eyes — black  hair.  'Gad,  a  fine  young  fellow.  A  very  good 
figure — excellent  figure  !     Like  me,  in  figure^  at  all  events. 

Alia.     I  hope  to  be  welcomed  kindly,  sir. 

Mr.  L.  Kmdly !  Get  up! — Kindly,  to  be  sure,  my  own  flesh 
and  blood,  (aside)  Hold !  'twon't  do  to  be  too  glad  to  see  him — 
my  wife  won't  like   that — it's  very  awkward. 

Mrs,  L.     I  begin  to  think  I  do  see  a  likeness. 

Mr.  L.  No,  do  you?  Well,  there  is  something  pleasant  in  his 
expression.      But,  Arabella,  *  pon  my  life,  I'm  very  much  ashamed. 

AUa.  I  grieve  to  give  you  pain.  I  am  grateful  to  you  for  your 
liberality. 

Mr.  L.  Pain  ! — No,  no,  pleasure.  My  poor  boy  ! — the  secret's 
off  my  mind,  and  I  may  openly  embrace  you.  'Gad,  after  all,  you'll 
make  it  a  happier  birth- day  than  'twas  likely  to  turn  out.  1  say, 
Arabella,  a  nice  young  man,  isn't  he  ? 

Mrs.  L.     You  had  better  ask  Clementina. 

Mr.  L.  Clementina,  come  here.  Take  her,  boy,  '^id  make  her 
a  good  husband. 

Mrs.  L.  And  take  my  advice,  my  dear;  should  business  ever 
call  him  to  Antigua,  never  mind  the  voyage,  be  sure  you  go  with 
him. 


rOKTY    AND    FIFTY.  13 

3Ir.  L.  Well,  I'm  not  sorry  it's  off  my  mind — but  I  trust  it  will 
go  no  further.  (^Stepping  foward)  In  fact,  I  must  make  it  a  most 
particular  request,  that  those  friends  who  have  unavoida^  ly  been 
made  acquainted  with  this  little  domestic  secret,  will  not  make  it  a 
matter  of  public  cenmre,  but  imitate  my  very  dear  Mrs.  Lily  white, 
and  smile  upon  me  as  usual. 


Clementina.       Altamont.         Lilywhitb.        Mrs.  Lilywhite. 


Spencer's  Boston  Theatre. 

•-^♦— -^ 

Price,  :2  1-2  Cents,  each.     Ten  for  One  Dollar. 
BOUND    VOI.lTMi:s.    SI. 


-  VOIi.  XVI. 

121   The  Wundcr, 

\-22  Tin-  Ili-htsorMan. 

\-2  ',  Ijolii  rl  Kiimiit 

V2i   My  !Iii-,l.:iii(ls  Ghost. 

!•_''»  FiLrlitiiiif  Ity  I'rt.xy.  [Game 

iJi)  Two  C.-m'l'l.iy   at  that 

1»7   Uii|in»tc<ti'il  fcViuiile, 

I'JS  Grecu  liushcs. 

VOIi.  XVII. 

129  Flowers  of  the  Forest, 

l.'iO  Forty  uikI  Fil'ty, 

l.U  Who  Stole  the  I\)cketbook 

i;V2  A  IJa.hilor  of  Arts, 

l;{;;  M  v  S«»n  I  lin.i, 

l.U  The  .Midiii-iit  Banqnet. 

l:r>  Unwarrantalile  Intrusion. 

13G  Mr.  &  Mrs.  White. 

VOL.  xvin. 

1.37  A  Quiet  Family, 
133  lIiishaiHl  of  an  hour, 
i:{0  Love's  Tflegn-aph, 

140  The  Naiad  Queen. 

141  Cajnice. 

142  Cool  as  a  Cucumber, 

143  A  Curious  Case, 
144:  Jimibo  Jum. 

VOL.  XIX. 

145  The  Cradle  of  Liberty, 
140  A  Bli-hted  Ud.ig, 
147  Little  Toddlekiiis, 
143  The  Lost  t^hip. 
149  A  Lover  by  Proxy,  [Pail, 
l.')0  Maiil  with  the  Milking 
l.*)I  Country  Squire, 

152  Perplexing  l*redicament. 

VOL.  XX. 

153  Fr.aud  and  its  Victims, 

154  Dr.  Dihvorth. 

155  Out  to  ^urse, 

156  Putnam. 
157 

153 
159 
160  La  Fiammina, 


VOL.  XXI. 


161 
102 
163 
161 
165 
166 
167 
i()8 


VOL.  XXII. 


109 
170 
171 
172 
173 
174 
175 
176 


VOL.  XXIII. 


177 
173 
179 
130 
181 
182 
183 
184 


VOL.  XXIV. 


185 
186 
187 
133 
139 
190 
191 
192 


VOL.  XXV. 


193 
194 
195 
196 
197 
193 
199 
200 


VOL.  XX\  i. 


L'U3 
21  »4 
205 
2t»»i 
207 
2U3 


VOL.  XXVII, 


209 
210 
211 
212 
213 
214 
215 
216 


VOL.  XXVIII. 


217 
218 
219 
220 
221 
222 
223 
221 


VOL.  XXIX. 


225 
220 
227 
228 
229 
2.30 
231 
233 


VOL.  XXX. 


233 
23 1 
2.35 
236 
237 
23S 
239 
240 


PAECELS  SENT  TO  ANY  PART  OF  THE  CITY. 

^^*  Orders  by  Mail  or  Express  wiU  be  promptly  attended  to.^^5^ 


m^ 


®^' 


^^^^'^'^ 


^J^iASfi^.  ,„  . 


PROVERBS 

'  OR   THE 

WISE     SAWS, 

OF    OUR 
WISEST   POET,  COLLECTED  INTO  A  MODERN  INSTANCE. 

By    MARY   COWDEN  CLARKE, 

AUTHOn  OP  CONCORDANCE  TO  SHAKBPEA 


'•Patch  grief  with  proverbs."    Much  Ado. 

"Have  at  you  with  a  proverb."     Comedy  of  Errors. 


j^  boston:  ' 

WILLIAM   V.    SPENCER. 


i    I  , 


r\y>xC^ 


In  Fancy  Paper  Covers,  25  Cents.     Cloth  Full  Gilt,  50  Cent 
Copies  sent  by  Mail,  free  of  postage,  on  receipt  of  price  of  the  book. 


O) 


UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA  LIBRARY 
BERKELEY 

Return  to  desk  from  which  borrowed. 
This  book  is  DUE  on  the  last  date  stamped  below. 


MAV  16  IS4d 

MAY  1 1 1984 

U^d  UCB  ANTIi 

JUN  1 6  1983 
REC  CIR  JUN  1 


LD  21-100m-9,'47(A5702sl6)476 


YB  7457 


M84447 


THE  UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA  UBRARY 


